sHiFtInG pAtTeRnS

I think that I am systematically becoming numb to most of the states in which our minds can exist. The reason why I choose to term this shift as systematic may be 'cause it's a fallout from my proclivity to analyze a whole lot of things which can easily be (and should be) ignored. So, in an ironical sort of way, I find myself in this position because of a state of mind which is holding precedence over most of the other ones. Perhaps this can be termed as "Paranoia". Like I once read, "a paranoid person is one who has all the facts but doesn't really know how to piece them together". But then, I think a paranoid's sphere of interest usually circles around all the people in his/her life. However in my case, it's not just the people but also the moments through which I am passing. I am slowly realizing that most of the moments I am part of can't really stand up to the scrutiny they are subjected to. As a consequence, not only do they start to crumble but also the people who are part of those moments start crumbling. And once the day is done and I reflect, everything seems to be held together in a state of fragility. A fragility which is evident in a tower of cards. The trepidation of some inevitable meandering wind-stream which would come along and bring it down. Can life really be so ordinary?! Can so much in life depend on things so fragile that to even think of them causes a tremor to run through the foundations?
Oh yes, life is very beautiful. It's got more than a billion-billion reasons both scientific and metaphysical, to be considered the one and only sign of being blessed. Yet there is that essence in every life which strings it together with happiness, coherence, sanity, objectivity, romanticism, or any other drift. For me, everything seems to be coming a full circle. I don't like spending time with the people who constitute the moments in my life. I feel like I'm retracing my childhood. I get goosebumps when I'm reading Calvin and Hobbes or when I see the trailer of a dorky movie like the Transformers. My kicks come through playing a computer game against opponents I can't even see. Sigh, you see, it's still kind of funny and nice. The strands shift around but I think they'll come together again at some point of time. Maybe there'll be that change in my surroundings or that change in the people I meet. Until then, I'd like to dream something nice.